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Baby Step 4

1) "Let no corrupt word come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up..." Another way to word today's "better choice", "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all". Its more than not making jokes that hurt others, or are at others expense, but there is the gossip, the complaining, the words I choose to use...my desire is that God would do a work in my heart, since its out of my heart that my mouth speaks, and do a deep clean!!
My first thought when I realized what I needed to do was how much quieter I will be if instead of saying something inappropriate or unwise I just keep my mouth shut...it may be a good time to take up a career as a mime:)!! This one God I beg your help, and yield to your refining work, though I know its gonna hurt!!

redeeming the time

Why do I find it so hard to live a simple life? It seems as though I always take "redeeming the time" to mean packing each moment, each opportunity as full as possible in the short time I am given. If that is true than why do people burn out, find themselves in need of so many vacations, and then vacations after their vacation? Why is it that in the midst of these days I am "redeeming my time" I find myself rushing my children everywhere with me and cannot seem to find the time to slow down enough to walk alongside my three year old as she wanders through her day in constant wonder of everything she passes! What is God really calling me to, in redeeming my time?
There is something about this time of year that makes me want to clean house! Out with the old, in with the new! Its been a full year of activity with our moving, beginning a new ministry, settling into a new area...its now that I look at where God has brought us, and what I desire more than anything is to be faithful to what He has called me to do! My questions going into our next year here is, what is it that He has called me to do, and what is it He has not called me to do? These are the questions I am considering in these days leading into a new season....all I know is that I have spent much time packing each moment in a frail attempt to redeem the time, and God is calling me to slow down!!

Baby Step 2

2) Take time to rest, and don't plan every hour of the day... I woke up this morning after a late night birthday celebration for my friend Lindsay, and was hit with a sad reality:(...I have indeed caught a cold! The blessing, in this is that its only been helpful in making today's better choice of taking time to rest! So for today, my plan involves playing barbies with my princess, building a pirate ship in my living room and exploring the open seas, and then to wrap things up I was thinking we might throw in a few rounds of hide and seek followed by a family nap in mommy's bed!!
Praising God this morning for His continued work in me, as I continue to face "the Ugly Truth" of who I am apart from Him. Playing in my head right now, "He's still working on me, to make me what He wants to be, took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth, and Jupiter and mars...?"

Baby Step 1

1)ALWAYS choose to be an encouragement, even if the jab seems almost impossible to resist
I love to make people laugh, and much of the time this comes at the expense of someone else. Its a mix for me of wanting people to laugh, and just plain old insecurity especially around people I do not know well. I don't want to leave the legacy of being the "funny girl", but want to be someone who you walk away from feeling uplifted and encouraged! I chose this today, honestly because I will be spending the day at the pool with the kids, and their uncle, who I have had a long standing friendship with that involves little more than poking fun for the sake of a good laugh. Now if "uncle Peter" decides to read this blog entry I must add, that it hurts me most that I have treated him this way, because of all our family he has been the biggest blessing to my family through friendship, and even service (helping me clean the old house,babysitting), excluding grandparents of course....don't want to get myself in trouble this morning!
My final thought to leave here this morning, my "Consuming Thoughts" this morning... I have a ridiculous amount to be thankful for!! I woke this morning, made my way through this beautiful apartment we call home, past by my sleeping husband who God has reminded me in recent days (yes I have at times forgotten:() is an incredible man of God, and I dare say the best husband a woman could ask for....passing him I made my way out to our balcony, which I must say in itself is such a blessing to have, and sat in our MBC memory chair which never ceases to be a reminder of our AMAZING years serving in that place...it was here sitting in silence, with only the sounds of morning sprinklers, and early migrating birds that I was left in wonder and amazement at my God!! To top of this moment I glance over my left shoulder and see my two children peeking under the blinds in their room waving and smiling the most beautiful smiles in the world.... Yeah, a ridiculous amount to be thankful for!!!

Choices

Do I get up when my alarm goes off, or shut it off and wait for the kids to wake me? Do I read my Bible longer or catch up on facebook? I have been thinking a lot about choices, realizing that sadly I have fallen into a pattern of poor choices throughout my day. Choices based on my human nature to be lazy, self centered, and prideful. I would like to say I am exaggerating or just PMSing, so its probably not as pathetic as I make it sound, but neither would be true. I am truly this pathetic apart from the grace of God!
So, how did I reach this place where my poor choices began to outnumber my good choices, and where is the path that leads out? Unfortunately there is not one choice that was made, and thus would undo this mess I have made...I see a lot of small, insignificant decisions. "Just for this morning I will shut my alarm off and sleep in, I can have my quiet time later in the day"..."I earned at least one lazy day,two lazy days, three lazy days...crap! I am so far behind"..."I will start again tomorrow, I am too tired today"
MY choice this morning is to start making better choices!! One day at a time...commit to make at least one new choice, a better choice than the ones I have been making!!
To get started though there are some Bigger choices I need to make, that may seem insignificant to others, but they are things that have begun to hold me captive to this pattern of waste! 1) I will officially sign off facebook, and all the hours spent watching others live their lives rather than using that time to live the one God has laid out for me... 2)I will not shut off my alarm regardless of the hour I went to bed, but will commit to my alone time with God before my family rises 3)I will accept my Heavenly Father's invitation to a sabbath and end this rat race
Above all else my prayer, is that these new choices will be honoring to God, and that I would live a life that brings glory to HIm!!!

More Haiti Memories..

I realize I have not been great at blogging my Haiti trip, and since I honestly still think words do not begin to do it justice, I will share some of my favorite photos from the trip!

Bathroom in Haiti

Wide Awake

So its 11pm and I am so wide awake!! Since sleep does not want to come I thought I would give blogging a shot, you know empty my mind. I am slowly coming out of a fog, I feel like, I am living each day rather than letting life just run along, and pull me along behind! I have found my patio as an amazing sanctuary, where I can be with God and the noise around just seems to stop! My children though challenging right now, have been a constant source of joy, and a reminder that despite all my screw ups, I am surrounded by blessings from God! Andy and I have been connected recently, and talking, and open, and just together, and I sense God moving in our marriage to draw us closer to each other and Himself!
Selfishly I got a summer gym membership at my old gym, Gold's. After only a few weeks I miss going in the mornings, and working out, and feeling strong, and fit! I am not a woman of hobbies..I don't sew, craft, paint, play music, or even scrapbook, and I find working out is basically my hobbie! It makes me happy, and it happens to be good for me:)! Also, as a bonus I don't have a million little gadgets I have to store in order to enjoy this hobbie, so it works out well for my minimal lifestyle:).
Well, I guess I really don't have much of interest right now, but this did help settle my mind bit so, YEAH! As a final mention, if anyone would like to pray, I sent out a bunch of packets to conferences around, with my speaking info...big dreams, and only God knows whats ahead there, but they are out there now!

One Day at a Time..

"Do not worry about tomorrow...today has enough worries of its own"
I have always experienced the best days when I stop looking ahead, or obsessing over the bigger picture, and just take it one day at a time! Only this morning did it occur to me, that this was not a me thing, but is a principle found in scripture! I love to dream, and tend to have pretty big goals for myself, but I have struggled recently with reaching any of those goals, or seeing very few of those dreams become reality. I realize how I need to put this "one day at a time" principle into practice today:)! And then again tomorrow...but I will think about tomorrow, tomorrow:)!

Moving Ahead

Its quite a thing to adjust to life after Haiti! I mean how can someone spend 7 days in a place filled with people just desperately trying to survive, and then hop on a plane right back to overflowing pantries, and isles set aside just for diet pills. Is there really an easy transition? Should it be easy? I am thinking not!
Since I have been home, I have found myself thinking back to my trip, praying for those I met, served alongside of, and passed along the way. I have had moments of sadness wishing I had known to do more, moments of extreme gratitude to God for allowing me to experience Haiti, moments of silence where I felt my words were so wasted in never coming close to describing what I had seen. Now, its been almost a week, and I sense life falling back into routine, and things feeling familiar again, but within me there is something new, this burning desire to not be the same. To stand up and do something, anything, but not wait another six years before I put my words into action!
This evening I made a call to the Battered Women Shelter in Framingham and asked about volunteering there, and was given the contact of a woman who could help me get started! I am also sitting across from my man who is working on getting my speaking packet together to send out to different women's conferences/camps to see about future speaking ministries! As far as Haiti, I really would like to pray about doing a medical team, and definitely want to go again! God knows, and I trust that into His hands!!

Day One Haiti Blog

Final Thoughts..

As I am getting ready to fly out to Haiti tomorrow, I wanted to write one final blog since I won't be able to blog there. I am so excited, and not sure at all what to expect! I am nervous about forgetting something, but know things will work out! I am so beyond eager to meet the people there, and play with the children, and snuggle the babies!!
So, my prayer requests, are for health and safety, and that I would not return the same! Pray that I do not get in the way, but am aware of the needs of the team, and leaders, and am quick to step up! Finally pray for my family back here, that my children would not even realize the time that passes, or feel as though its long, but have so much fun that my return seem quick! And for Andy, that this time with his children would be blessed, and he would miss me like crazy:)!
I will definitely have much more on my return..

Last Day of Work

So, today was my last day of work as opening lifeguard at BSC. Bitter sweet, as I will no longer be rolling out of bed at 4am, but will also not be seeing any of "my swimmers" each morning. One HUGE saving grace in it being now is that my mind is so focused on Haiti next week I have not had time to be sad, or over think the loss of these relationships.
I have to say it was an amazing run, and I pray God allows me windows back into all those dear people's lives when I sub as needed! So, for now its time to pack, collect my head, my nerves, and pull together last minute details for my first ever over sees trip to Haiti!!

Rose Colored Glasses...

I have always been person who sees my past in extremes. Those times I was doing poorly, I see as times of deep sorrow and hopelessness, while times I was average to ok I remember myself as doing really amazing! It all sounds great, at least the amazing memories since it makes mediocre memories instantly scrapbook material! The struggle it leaves me with however, is the discontentment with now! Nothing now can even hope to compare to those altered memories of "the good old days" that in reality may not have even been as good as I make them out to be in my mind! Even great days now seem to pale in comparison leaving me to wonder where I went wrong... Do you ever get to this place, where you actually convince yourself through this insane thought process that somewhere along the way you made a left turn, that should have been a right and you have forever paid the consequences?
So I have not been a huge fan of myself recently, and the source that seems to be feeding this disatifaction within me are these cruel, twisted memories of who I was before I decided to worry, and stress, and stop smiling all the time, or you know before I took off my rose colored shades and took a good look around! I actually convince myself that there was a day that I lived carefree, no worries, and was in those days that I was a better person, a better friend, better girl friend, more fun, a better Christian... Now I look in the mirror, and I see my age, I see lines appearing that were not there before, I see how my youth is fading and in its place this...woman. Normally this transition would be exciting, thrilling even! I mean seriously its what we chase after as young girls, dreaming of the day we move from little girl, to young woman, and finally reach being a true, full blown woman! Yet, excitement and thrill are not what I am feeling! Fear, anxiety, even disappointment....
Strange how my mind works I know, but I am in this season of trying to be transparent, good or bad, so here's a dose of "oh my gosh, Bethany is a phsyco", hopefully to be followed up soon by a, awe how adorable she posted pictures of her children:)!

Moving Again...this time not so far:)

So we found out yesterday we got the apartment in westborough, just down the road from the church so hopefully very soon we will be moving that direction!! Love the idea of being so close to Andy's work, and having a smaller place to maintain, and with our savings in this new place I am very excited to say in two short weeks I will be back to staying home with my babies this summer!! YEAH! So much to be excited for, and much to do, so all this to say there has been much going on keeping me from writing and there is a good chance it may still be a while before I return:).. Haiti in one month, and need to get moved before!!

Authentic Beauty....

Oh Gosh, I have gotten so far behind in my blogging! Let me see, what's been up? I had been working hard getting ready for Authentic Beauty, and had the amazing experience of speaking there this past weekend! Its been about a week, and I have to say, its not been an easy one!
I have not done a ton of speaking, but enough that I am getting the feel for what kind of speaking i do, and my "style" I guess you could say! Well, for whatever reason, God wanted to stretch me, and I felt like I was very much out of my comfort zone, and came out feeling more than any other time that I have spoken that I laid my heart bare! I am so blessed by those who have shared how God used that in their life, but I have to be honest, I have been the most insecure this past week than I have been since Jr High. It seemed the more I remembered the things I shared of my own heart, the more I wanted to crawl into a hole, or somehow take it back! Amazing isn't it, how Satan can sneak right in there, even after an amazing weekend watching God work, and trusting His guidance, its like I am Eve in the garden... "Did God really want you to share exactly what you shared? Or in your no good sinful flesh, did you screw this up big time!!!"....
I realize right here, in the middle of all the lies I need to stop, be silent, and hear my Savior's still small voice!! You are my princess, I love you, and even in your weakness...most of all in your weakness I am STRONG!!! "
So, Dear Abba, I lay my insecurities, my fears, my pride, and even those things I hope for all at the foot of the cross!! Not my own, but Your Will be done!!

Cleanse Day 2

Basically most miserable feeling ever...I am hoping day three is not worse than day 2 cause I am already feeling pretty cranky:). Good side...well over half way through this day if that counts as a good thing!! Keep hoping this will be worth it when I get further in:)..

Cleanse

So as of today I have begun the "10 day cleansing diet". Yes, Greg know that I must be your friend to do this with you since the word diet makes me hungry! I have to say this is the most intense type of eating thing I have ever attempted, and so I thought for my own sanity I would journal my experience as I go along! Day 1, well what I can I say about dy one except it bites!! I feel hungry all the time, and the lemon juice thing that is supposed to sustain me, does nothing to curb the hunger at all:)...on the bright side I feel strong and really want to see this through despite how tough it will be!!
1 day down(almost) and 9 more to go!!

Dear Oprah...

So I just finished doing some One Day work, and I am excited! I sent out letters/ emails to Regis and Kelly, Oprah, Ellen, Fox News, ABC News, Cnn News, 20/20, Good Morning America, and other online newspapers, as well as some larger churches I had addresses for here! Who knows what God has in store, but I am waiting eagerly now to see what His plan is from here!
If you are interested in hearing more about One Day, or want to help spread this idea around your church, youth group or area, let me know and I'll get you the posters, post cards or video, depending on what you need! Moving ahead...