Analogies the Modern Day Parables..

Once again my heart and mind are so full I can't seem to get anything done so I am gonna attempt to let some out via blogging, and then back to the grind here! I had an intense conversation with a friend today! She is atheist, and since we have only known each other a couple of months there has been only a couple of "faith based" conversations. She knows I am Christian, and she is very open about where she stands, and it has not been until today that the two have really come to a head.
Without trying to replay the two hours conversation, let me skip ahead, to after she asked if I really believe all that *@$! or if I think it could be made up stories. After sharing with her how God is more than just someone I read about in a book, He is as real to me as the chair she was sitting in, she asked why "we Christians" are always wanting people to become christians too, since gay people don't walk around trying to make the whole world gay. I tried to give her the best analogy I could come up with that she could understand from where she stood, basically stating that if she thought that being gay would save people from an eternity in hell, and that people who chose not to be gay would have a hopeless eternity, but those who chose to be gay would have a promise of great things, and an amazing eternity in heaven would she attempt to "convert" people to being gay? This led into the toughest question I hate to hear but don't doubt the answer to..." So are you saying that because I don't believe in Jesus or all this God @*!# I am going to hell?" I replied simply, yes. Bull@&#$ she said...and the conversation went on....
I share this because as I sat there I realized or was reminded of rather a simple truth, appart from Christ she will never know God! His Spirit has to do the work in her heart, and until He does all this "stuff" will be foolishness to her. Its a tough leap for me to see her even thinking about it, but God gave me a glimpse into His working when she told me after everything we talked about, she was still coming over tonight to chill with me and my friends!
He is able, and I will continue to trust, and pray, and if you think to could you lift a prayer as well! You dont need her name, God knows, if I witness any answers I'll be sure to record them here!

Java Java Java

No significance to this other than I realized something today... I have never really understood addictions. Honestly I can't really think of anything I craved on a regular basis..I am not one of those chocolate=life kind of girls, and though I love chips, and anything salty I have lived without them without any kind of withdrawal. So you see I never got how people got addicted to things to the point where they needed them to function properly...not until now that is! When I began working the 4:30 AM shift at BSC I made coffee a regular morning thing, thinking it would just assist me in being allert at such an early hour! Then this morning hit, and as usual I made my coffee, and headed out the door, not realizing until I reached work that I had left my mug of happiness at home:(. At first I was just a little bummed, after all there is something about having a warm drink in the early winter mornings thats comforting...however "a little bummed" quickly moved into an insane level of exhaustion, and period like moodiness! I swear each person coming through the door with their little "cup-of-Joe" was taunting me, laughing at my stupidity for leaving behind my energy source and daring to face the day caffeine free.
It was then my husband entered the scene, looking more attractive than ever, with my starbucks in hand...as I excused myself from my shift and headed to meet him, and at last fulfill this burning desire for java, I watched helplessly as my three year old knocked the table holding my very lifeline, pouring its contents all over the waiting room floor. Tears burned my eyes, and just as I am about to contemplate drinking from the well used, under cleaned gym floor, it hits me... I'm an ADDICT!!!
All this to say, Hi my name is Bethany, and I am a Coffe aholic:)!

Prayer

I have been thinking a lot about prayer...What is prayer? Why do I pray? How do I pray? I will be honest prayer is one of those things that has always been a struggle for me...something I had to be deliberate in doing, and not something I found myself doing with any kind of grace and ease. There have been many times in my life where I have been challenged in how I thought of prayer, and what prayer looked like, and seasons where I did a lot of praying, and some where honestly there was very little!
Our church just had a meeting tonight where we talked about the vision for our church, and the people we want to reach, and minister to outside our walls! It was a powerful night for me, as I was hit by the hard reality of how many people in just my own town are living in darkness, not knowing the truth of God's love for them! I know myself, and the vision, the dreaming of you will is that which comes easily! I could sit with a notebook for hours and just dream up insane ideas, and get all excited about each one....but what challenged me in this time was the call to prayer! I began to think about not just the importance, but the necessity prayer is in our moving forward with any vision...
So I am committing this month to take some real serious time, and place all my visions, and dreams aside just for a little while, and pray! Talk with my Savior, praise His name, bring my thoughts, and requests before Him, and lay everything down! I wonder one month from now when I look back what things I will have seen or experienced... I'll be sure to update you on that later on!!

2008

I am so one of those people who come to the end of a year, and get all reminiscent about the year that has passed, and get excited about the year to come!! 2008 will be one of those years in my life that will stand apart from other years.. It was the year I led my final winter of games at Monadnock, one of my favorite ministries of all time...it was the first year I was the speaker for a teen girl conference, Authentic Beauty, where God confirmed my passion for speaking to young women...it was the year I faced painful truth about my own family, my past, and God revealed Himself to me as a God of Agape...It has been a year of HUGE changes, living with my parents for a while, leaving MBC after 8 amazing years of ministry there, coming to Chapel of the Cross to work with their incredible youth, changing jobs, house, state, schools....CRAZY changes....a year where God took what began in Jan 08 as an ok friendship with Him, and through towering mountain tops, muddy ditches, a ton of hurt, even more joy, and began molding it into an intimate reltionship with Him!!
So, honeslty as I think about 08 and all it held, I can't decide whether to cry, rejoice in all God has done, or run with my hands high to the theme of "Rocky" just for surviving it...I am thinking all of the above might be in order:)!

Christmas!!

I LOVE Christmas, always have!! I must confess though I am one to get caught up in the world's "christmas spirit". Not even all bad things, some of it is the excitement of giving, and blessing others this season! This morning as I sat and pondered Christ, who He was, what his coming meant, the fact that He came to redeem us! I was challenged even in this as I read this morning.... I often see Christ coming as God's way of cleaning up the mess we made, as rebooting His plan at creation, and giving us another shot to know Him as Adam and Eve once knew Him. A thought struck me hard this morning though...God wasn't "cleaning up our mess", and "rebooting His plan", Jesus was His plan all along! He planned to redeem us to Himself, to set us free once again from the bondage of sin, and make a way for us to know Him again!! Then the reality of who Jesus is hit me, and what an incredible gift of Love God gave in sending Him to earth to die that we might be redeemed!!! So, this Christmas more than getting gifts, or even giving gifts, more than seeing family, and eating tons of Christmas goodies, I am most excited to celbrate the birth of my SAVIOR!!

Feeding on God's Word

For a lot of years I have heard different sermons on the Word of God and prayer being like food and water for a Christian. I got it, you know as believers it makes sense that we should desire time with God as we desire to feed ourselves...but need it? I have to admit I never got that, or honestly felt that...desire yes, but to need it the same as physical nurishment?
So, I mentioned in an earlier blog what an amazing new job lifeguarding has been. Its given me 5 hours each morning to spend in the Word, and talk to my Savior! This morning I had the opportunity to share my faith with a coworker who was visiting me in the pool. Her words being, "you can't get much different than us (her and I), myself an atheist lesbian and you being religeous." It was a long conversation to try and mark down, but it went from her asking me what I believed about whether gay people are born gay, or its choice, to my sharing about the Love Jesus loves all of us with, and how as a believer I am called to love others the same!! It was an intense, amazing, challenging conversation, and when she left the room, I sat thinking about how impossible knowing God and accepting His gift is apart from God! In that moment, came this hunger, rather a starvation to eat, feast on His word... it was similar in desperation to my desire for salt a week before aunt Flow comes around...It was then I understood! I finally felt it...the desire for His Word, and prayer like that which I have for food and water!
All this to say it finally makes sense to me...the more time I spend in His Word, seeking His face, not even trying to be what I think I ought, but just spending time in His presence and learning to let Him be in me, the more I desire that time, the more I am aware of how desperately I need this time not as much but more than I need my bread and water!!
Thank you God, for making yourself known to us, through the gift of Your Son at Calvary, and I ask God that You might in Your time open the eyes of Danielle's heart that she might desire to know you, and that in seeking she might find You!!

Birthday Wish

I have been reading this book called "Pierced by the Word", and this morning it was talking about pride. It mentioned different ways pride shows itself, and I realized as I was reading just how much pride has a grip on me. I was not really a popular kid growing up, and definitely not the smartest kid in school, so I discovered whit:)... I could joke my way out of any situation where I might come out looking dumb, or being embarrassed! Even if it meant a white lie, or a BIG lie I would talk my way into being right, and sometimes leaving those around feeling embarrassed or dumb! What a horrible habit I have fallen into, and how many I have hurt over the years!! If any of you reading are among that group I am so very sorry! I realized that slowly I have really allowed this pride, to take hold of me and it needs to go!!!
So whats this got to do with a birthday wish? I wonder if you can ask God for something on your birthday? I know realistically speaking you can ask anytime of the year, but since this all came right alongside my birthday, I was thinking what I want more than anything this year, is for my pride to be broken!! I know," never ask for humility or you will receive", but honestly I REALLY need for my pride to be broken, cause I know it will come between me and God, and the more I am coming to know Him the more I am wanting to lay everything down in order to know more!!! I can't afford to hold onto this sin anymore, not matter what the cost of letting go, I want to give it up!