So Paul and I have been pretty tight recently..the more I read his writing in the NT the more I feel like we would have been good friends if he were still around!
I was brought back to the passage in Romans 7, you know the whole I don't don't do what I I want to do, and I do what I hate...etc! At the risk of sharing too much, I thought I would be honest in struggle that has been the hardest for me to articulate! I struggle on and off with depression, and have for the past few years I guess! Its one of those things where I want to just not feel like this anymore, and in my head it seems like something I should be able to just shake off and keep running, but then somehow the weight I feel keeps me at best crawling forward!
I have been dragging a bit recently, and feeling Paul's frustration when he writes in this chapter, cause often times, though I don't see my depression as a sin(some may argue that point and thats ok), my response to it can be very sinful! My flesh begins to rise up in me as my desire to control takes over, and I grab onto the wheel instead of leaving everything at the foot of the cross! So I find myself in this place, where I want to do what's right, and find myself not doing the things I want to, and worse here I am doing the very things I don't want to do...Ugh!
So, this morning as I sat before my Savior, with no words, and honestly feeling a little low on faith, He met me...there in my dining room at some insane hour of the morning, My incredible loving God spoke to my heart through His Word!! He said,
"Princess, your are from me (God), and have overcome them, for He who that is you, is so much GREATER than he that is in the world!!!!"
I was reminded that I can leave this pain, this battle in His hands because He is so much greater than all of it...